It's the only reason why you I don't talk

Simple things I ponder upon... only ponder.
Though, its just a simple form of a thing. I do not intend to brag about it. I just want to have those for I know, it's something worth having because I, myself, with all my heart's desire, I exerted much effort aiming those...but what? I keep on hoping and looking forward, for the fact that you committed the most dangerous thing in the world.

On the second thought

Now I know why I don't bite.
Now I know why I preferred a life like this.
Now I know why I'm feel a weird sensation when somebody meant to praise me.



it's because, I am destined to someone I know , that is designed to be "just beyond my imagination."

I'm having adrenaline rush and I can't help it

I am freezing. It's cold. I can hardly feel my hands. I'm shaking exaggeratedly. Maybe, any minute now I will be off the ground. I'm dizzy and my head hurts. I feel like its the end of my life.

I don't know exactly what is happening around me. I feel like I don't belong here. I am not from the earth. I am from Mars. Why? I don't know what the heck is happening in this world, in this country and this entity of mine! I'm possessed. I am not me. I am burdened with so much disarrayed conviction.

I carried the whole life of the unknown.
I am not happy. But all I can do is to follow the words being bluffed. I'm under imperious curse...

I'm a vampire.
I don't want your blood.
I want your affection. I want you to be willing to join me being a vampire.
Now I am random.

This is shit.

Vanity. Love. Dream.

If there are tons of things I need to do, I'd do it in a click. This past few days, I noticed I've been acting so odd. I'm following the house rules and I'm keeping myself very busy. It kills me when I waste my time. I don't even care if I don't have cellphone, I don't even care if I don't have money, I don't even care if I'm still awake in dawn. I don't know...

Last time, I keep on praying, I keep on dreaming that someday, sooner and yes later...any minute, somebody will come near me, the one that is good enough to be adored. I met two different faces in a single day. They were both good looking and definitely gentlemen. They told me how wonderful I am to exist in this world. At the moment that I felt flattering sensation, that any girl would surely pass out when they hear those kind of words... i back fired. I stood idled few minutes thinking...
I really don't need it. Really.

Maybe, I'm still trapped. I keep on dreaming of the past. Instead, I'm feeling the prickling pain that makes me feel that I'm that stupid. You see, it was there. The new beginning was there right in front of me but look what I did. Rejected them and mouthed my famous line... SORRY, I'M A TOMBOY.


I don't want to run. I don't want to be hiding here forever. I don't want to grow with pain in my heart. I don't want to...I don't want to wait for the equinox.



Tell me what am I suppose to do. I am trashed with so much aches. I don't want to linger in this madness. I am too vain.

Breathless

Never I would see a little break unless something really bothers me. For some reasons, I want to get a life back. The life that I used to live where my eyes are glowing despite of the dark dull clouds in the sky. I want to think of a single thing in the every hour of my entire life.

Maybe I am just being mocked.
I want somebody beside me...

All I can do now is to dream of you

I know we can never be...we can never fall into each others arms and hold the world's agony. I owe you a lifetime of comprehending a single thought of adoring you for an unknown reason. I don't know. I don't know what to say.


Maybe it's the law of attraction that keeps me seeing you everywhere I go. My heart is screaming over-joyed seeing you, smiling over me and talking with your eyes alone. I always shiver...always.


We aren't really meant to be lovers, I say. For the second, for the record, I've seen you with my greatest nightmare... you, walking with my nemesis...

Now, it's clear to me, that you are chained with an unfathomable creation that I couldn't break. I'm no superhero that can ever save you from this madness of my entity. All I can do is to share you the happiness that covers me wholly.


You are close, so close to me that I can even seize you and never ever let go of my grip...yet still, I can't. There are fortified walls and excruciating thorns that I can comprehend when I try to hold you.


I cannot just hide forever, I cannot just be there and run once in a while. I really don't know. I'm holding my breathe. I'm gripping on a sharp knife. I want to surrender. I want to run away...without you. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to be so deeply in love with you...but I can't. Everyday, I'm fighting the world. I am just loving you to the depth of my soul...



What now? All I can do now is to dream of you. I'm sorry.